Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Live
by fakegodsanddemigods
Summary: Rose Tyler has managed to get back to her home reality just in time to see the destruction the Dalek's have wrought over London. She finds the Doctor and though things look hopeless, she has him again. And that's all she really needs. Just one more fight by his side. Alternate Ending to Season 4.


_But I've come so far…_

That damn dimensional cannon. It had always been finicky. It had taken so long to even just make it spark that she had almost given up hope. Almost. If Rose was being honest with herself, she knew that there would never be a way for her to give up hope on the Doctor. There would always be some shred of faith that kept her fighting, kept her trying. And everyone around her knew it. It was part of the reason Torchwood had been so adamant that she work for them. With that sort of determination, Rose Tyler was capable of anything. Not to mention she was the only team member more than willing to strap the thing to her wrist and test it. She would rather tear herself apart trying to find a way back than sit around and think about the 'what-ifs'. She needed to get back to her Doctor…there was an entire universe that needed saving out there, and she wasn't about to let him go at it alone.

So many worlds. So many realities. And she'd fallen through more than she would have cared to think of. Rose had lost track of time and of place. She'd yet to make it back to the Doctor and she couldn't find her way back to Torchwood. Unstable. It had always been unstable. She had always known this was a possibility. There was a chance that she'd do nothing except jump from reality to reality or world to world for the rest of her life, stopping only to eat and sleep wherever she landed. Some days there were three or maybe even four stops. It didn't matter how tired she got. She kept going until her body gave out. She had to. She needed to get to the Doctor, wouldn't stop until she didn't have it in her to keep going and even then she would try harder. She'd push through anything if it meant making it back.

It never occurred to her to think of how she would know if she'd made it to the right place. The right world. She never thought about the fact that she would stumble upon other versions of the Doctor, other versions of herself, along the way. And there were so many. So many times she'd given herself hope when she'd stumbled head first into a familiar face. And so many times he'd sent her away with an apology and an explanation. Some of them didn't even have a Rose and others didn't even have his face or his voice. None of them were her Doctor. Never her Doctor.

The moment she caught her bearings as she stood in the middle of back alley, she knew she was in London. The London she'd left behind what seemed forever ago when the Daleks and the Cybermen had all come together. The London she'd slipped away from when her grip faltered. Oh, this was so close to home. She could feel it. There was just something familiar about the way the air wrapped itself around her. Something about the smells and the sounds. This was her London.

And something was so very wrong.

Of course it was. Every time she'd come back before there was something going wrong. Leave it to the Dimension Canon to throw her into her own world in the middle of a crisis. Buildings were burning and she could hear people screaming. And somehow no one had seen the blonde woman appear in the midst of an alley out of nowhere. Mass panic. It always did make it so much easier to be invisible.

The world was crashing down in the streets and there was no end in sight. People running through the streets, not sure where they were going only sure they needed to get away. From what? She couldn't tell. She couldn't see anything except for fire and fear. Everyone was running one way which meant that at the heart of it all, with any luck, she'd find him. And right now she needed luck on her side. She needed her Doctor…and London was in desperate need of one of their own.

Rose ran. She moved through the streets, dodging crashed and stopped cars. She maneuvered around burning bits of rubble laying in the street and the bodies of those that had already been lost. But she couldn't stop to think about it. She didn't know what was going on and there wasn't time for questions. The world was burning around her and she needed to find the Doctor. She needed to help.

"Oi! Watch it. You're going the wrong way, lass." A man stumbled at the force of the impact of Rose's shoulder. "They're back. Turn around and get out of here before you get hurt."

Rose looked up at the man, an apology on the tip of her tongue that quickly slipped to confusion and concern as he continued to speak. "No. No. You don't understand. I have to get there. I have a friend…Who's back?"

The man shook his head at her before shuffling off without an answer. He wasn't about to stick around and watch a young girl walk straight into her death. He'd seen enough of that in the past few hours. No use watching it one more time. He dipped his head to her as he broke out into a sprint, dashing by her.

She stood rooted to her spot for a few moments, her mind turning over the brief conversation. Someone was back…something. A group of somethings. But what would make the whole of London run? What could burn an entire city to the ground without thinking twice?

It couldn't be…They were impossible.

She shook the thought from her mind and ran once more towards the heart of the city. Her hand curled into a fist as it reached for something that wasn't there. A hand to hold that she'd held for so long and every time she ran she could almost feel it there. Almost. Soon, though. If fate was on her side just this once, soon she'd feel his hand in hers again. And they could run. Run into forever and save the world just one more time.

In the heart of it all there was almost nothing. Piles of ash and broken buildings. Burning cars and broken bodies. There was no screaming, no crying, no running. Just the sound of flames licking at whatever they touched. And something almost mechanical moving through the city…

But in the midst of it all, she heard that faint sound that she'd dreamed of so many nights before. A sound that she knew that she would never be able to forget. There wasn't any real way to describe the sound, it was just distinct. And wherever that sound was, there would always be a blue Police Box somewhere near by. That much she was sure of. She just had to find it.

It shouldn't have been hard. Shouldn't have been. Judging by the sound, it couldn't have been too far away. But there was so much mess spread across the streets and so much smoke in the air, it was almost impossible to spot it. Until she was right on top of it.

Because there on a street corner as plain as day was the TARDIS. Just sitting there like it had always been there, like it was supposed to be there. Fate was on her side and the universe was giving her a moment of celebration. All of the work and all of the reality hopping had all led up to this. This one moment of finding everything she needed, everything she'd missed in the past two years. And time seemed to slow down, nearly stop, as she stood just a block away staring at the blue box in disbelief. After so long of searching, it was almost impossible to believe that she'd found it but there was absolutely no mistaking it.

One slow step forwards. Two. Three. And her legs suddenly broke out into a sprint, determined to get to the box as quickly as she could. She'd waited for so long and waiting even just one more moment seemed like too much. She stumbled over her feet, grinding to a halt, as she reached the curb and the door to the TARDIS opened from the inside and she saw one Chuck covered foot step out onto the sidewalk followed by the rest of him. Her breath caught and her eyes trailed up the whole of him. A suit and that same old coat. His hands were tucked in his pockets and she took the moment before he looked at her to let her eyes wander over his profile. Stern. He was here for business.

And then he turned to her and the line of his lips melted into a smile for a moment before slipping into confusion but his eyes held all so much hope that she was real. He took a hesitant step forwards and his hand reached out to her to just brush his fingers along the length of her shoulder. Upon touching something solid, he wasted no time in pulling her to him and holding her tight against him, his arms snaking around her as if they'd never let her go. His voice was barely a breath of air against her when he finally managed to speak. "Rose Tyler…How?"

She shook her head, her face tucked against his chest as she took the feel of his arms around her in. "Later." It didn't matter how she'd gotten there. The fact was was that she was there, in his arms, and they had a world to save. From what? She wasn't even sure and she didn't really care. As long as she could fight with him, it didn't matter.

For a long while, they stood there, their arms wrapped tight around each other unwilling to let go. It should have been impossible but they were both so very real and everything the other needed to push forwards. It didn't matter to Rose if she couldn't get back to her mum or Pete. And it didn't matter to him that her being there was just another sign of everything that was going wrong around them. He was going to hold her there. If a disaster had brought her back, then he was more than happy to keep her.

When her arms finally slid away and she turned her head up to look at him, there was the ghost of a smile on her lips. There wasn't time for catching up. Not yet. There would be so much time ahead of them. One hand slipped into his and laced their fingers together before squeezing tightly. "What've we got, Doctor? What sort of trouble has London gotten itself into now?"

He cleared his throat as he grinned down at the blonde and returned the squeeze of her hand. He let himself tear his eyes from hers as he stared at the wreckage around them. "Daleks, if you'd believe it. Not sure where they came from but we're going to find out."

Rose chewed on her bottom lip and gave him a nod. Daleks. So they hadn't all fallen into the void. Her disappearance was for nothing, then. She'd gotten trapped in some other reality and it hadn't meant a damn thing because somehow the Daleks had managed to come climbing back. This time, though. This time there was no doubt that they'd rid the universe of them. They had to. "Lead the way."

She had been so very wrong about there being nothing and no one left in the city. There was a team from UNIT doing their best to hold off what looked to be a Dalek army. And the Daleks were picking them off one by one. Guns didn't stand a chance against the things, she knew that. UNIT knew that. But it was all they had. The TARDIS had been taken by some sort of transporter beam that she'd never seen before and there was nothing left to defend themselves with.

Nothing.

The army was fast approaching, growing tired of games of shooting whoever happened to stick their head up too far or whatever nearby would cause the biggest explosion. Patience had never been a strong suit of the Daleks. And that was really beginning to show as members of the team began to run, to flee. One vehicle, one armored van that was willing to take the last of them out of the city was parked not more than a block away, tucked out of site from the Daleks descending on them.

Silently, the Doctor took her hand and pulled her aside, led her to just a few feet away from the van. The inhabitants beckoned to her, begging for her to hurry and she turned her eyes up to the Doctor with a question. "You have to go."

She shook her head. She wasn't going anywhere. Not now, not ever. She'd come too far to walk away now. Much too far. There was no more running. Not from the Doctor. It had taken far too long to find him and she wasn't going to leave because of the Daleks. Not again. "I'm not leaving you here. I'm sorry."

"Thought you might say that." He dipped his head and captured her lips in a kiss as his arms snaked around his waist and held her to him. A kiss that held everything and nothing with just a press of the lips. It had been years. So many years. And he hated that it had all boiled down to this. A wanted kiss and a needed distraction.

Strong hands gripped Rose's shoulders and pulled her away from him, her eyes fluttering open at the forced break of the kiss. "You can't! No!" But there was no getting away from it as she was pulled towards the van and the Doctor could do nothing except turn his back and make his way back to the front lines as she struggled against the men who had taken her away from him. "Please. You don't understand. You've got to let me go."

"Orders." Both continued to pull, lips firm.

"The world's ending. What the hell do orders matter? Wouldn't you rather have one of your own?" The grip on her arms relaxed and she managed to wriggle away from them. Of course she was right. If it was the end of the world everyone would much rather be with someone willing to be with them. Not someone who was going kicking and screaming. If there was a chance at saving anyone, they should be taking someone who wanted to be saved.

With a nod of thanks, she sprinted her way back to the Doctor and the team. Her hand found his before he had a chance to even turn and question her. "I told you, I'm never gonna leave you. And I'm standing by that." She didn't smile, didn't look up at him, only held his hand all the tighter. If they were going to die, they were going to die together.

"Rose, you stupid stupid girl." His fingers tangled with hers and pulled her closer against his side. There was no getting out of it this time. And if they were going down, at least it was together. He risked a glance over at her and his breath caught. It was the last thing he had wanted. The whole reason he had sent her away the first time but even then she'd come back to him. With those same words. There was no getting rid of Rose Tyler. Even when her own life hung in the balance.

And all of a sudden there was metal in the air and the things were flying. There wasn't any hiding from them, no more waiting. Shots filled the air as UNIT did their best to fend the Daleks off from the air but bright blue quickly put a stop to so many of the shooters. Screams. Cries. And the sound of a town falling into ruin around them.

The Doctor's arms wrapped tight around her, one hand cupping the back of her head to hold her against his chest as he did the best he could to protect her from the sound of war around them. He knew she deserved better than this, always had. And he had never been able to figure out why she would ever have chosen this life over something more peaceful, more rewarding.

Rose pulled away just enough to tilt her head and offer him a small smile. With the world ending around them, she was glad that the last thing she would see or feel would be him. It was more than she'd thought possible. It wasn't exactly what she'd hoped for but it was more than she'd believed. And, somehow, that was alright. "I love you…"

A shot rang out. A normal gunshot.

And the world seemed to grow quiet.

Her breath caught as a sort of pain seared through her from the small of her back and traveled the length of her body. She cried out, losing her strength and sagging in his arms. Crossfire. Who would have thought that that would be the end of her? After all of this time she had been so sure that it would be at the hands of another life form. Never a human.

"No. Nononono." His grip tightened around her as he lowered the both of them to the ground, ignoring the shots that still flew over their head. None of that mattered not anymore. He let his fingers tangle in her hair as he pulled her into his lap, ignoring the blood spilling onto his trousers.

She winced as she looked up at him, trying her best to force a smile to her face as his arms cradled her against him. Her voice wavered and she couldn't find the strength to reach out to touch him even just one more time. "I-I'm sorry…"

He shook his head, trying his best not to cry as she faded in his arms. This wasn't what he had pictured for her. Not the life he had wanted for her. "Don't. Rose, don't."

It was strange. She couldn't feel the tears sliding down her cheeks but she knew they were there. Everything felt numb. She couldn't even feel his arms anymore. She blinked up at him, her voice lost. Her lips tried their best to form the words one more time before she finally gave in and let her eyes slide closed.

_…__So that's what the Void felt like._


End file.
